I was trying to think of things I am thankful for, and then I was trying to figure out how to list them. Then I had a sip of coffee. Then I thought about how thankfulness is innate sometimes, and I feel worse for stating my thanks. Then I had a sip of coffee. Then I wondered who I was thanking. Then I decided I was more grateful. Then I realized that I’m appreciative. Then I had a sip of coffee.
Then I realized I am lucky. I am lucky to have been born here at this time, and in this country, especially being a girl. I am lucky that I had parents who believed in education. I am lucky that despite being poor, both my mother and father managed to get us through childhood healthy and safely (despite a near miss with a car, Dad, you know what I am talking about). I am lucky that I have a modicum of intellectual ability that got me into a reasonable position for my career.
I am lucky, very lucky, that Vi was born healthy. I am lucky that we got social security. I am very lucky that my parents were near to take care of me and Vi after Tianyu died.
I am lucky to have great friends, and the luxury to pick a good school district for Vi. I am not so lucky that she’s so pretty, though that will help her when she’s older and pretty much make me fucking insane. I am lucky that she is well-behaved, relatively illness free, and doesn’t seem to have any developmental learning issues that would make life more difficult.
So yeah, I feel very lucky today. And because I am lucky to have all these great things, I feel relieved and guilty. And that’s a pretty good thing to be, all things considered.