So yeah, I have sh**ty habits.


It is obvious that we have reached the point of no shame.

 

I am an instant gratification person. I have tried not to be over the years, but like my experiences with exercise and running, that’s like trying to swim upstream whilst riding a seahorse—fun to think about, impossible to do.

I am afraid that ever since I saw Aquaman ride a seahorse, I have been embittered by the fact that there ain’t no seahorse out there even remotely big enough to carry me. Also, from what I understand, their steering power is pretty nil, so we’d just sort of bob and drift about. There’s a metaphor in there. Every MRA in the world would also point out that I fantasize about enslaving and riding on of the only male creatures in the world that gets pregnant, so I’mma beat them to the punch and lay that out there.



I just thought this juxtaposition was lulsy.

So the fact is that I love those effing Facebook games. Farm Rescue Paratroopers Hidden Mystery-O-Rama Crush, or whatever they are called. There is nothing better after an hour of mind numbing staring at a word document than to kick back for about 5 minutes and play a swap-three game with those little noises whenever you make a match. OR WHEN YOU MAKE ONE MATCH AND THEN SIT THERE AS THE TILES CASCADE DOWN OVER AND OVER WITH MATCHES, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LISTEN TO THE HAPPY LITTLE NOISES OF SURPRISED BEETS AND CARROTS.

HDU JUDGE ME, JACKANAPES.

Or one of those hidden object games. I like those, too. I like to see how fast I can go.

I play about five games, and when I run out of lives on one, then it’s time to go back to work. That’s how it is with me.

That said, sometimes I wonder about the people who do the art of these games. Aside from the fact that they to this manipulative crap when you lose:


Look at this fucking panda side eye.

The greatest challenge with all these is to NOT buy shit. They wind you up with the free stuff because they want you to buy crap. I have a rule: I only buy “gold bars” if I want to get to the next levels asap, or if I am bored/drunk and I have run out of lives and OH MY GOD I HAVE TO KEEP GOING LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. I liken it to buying myself a crappuccino or a five dollar blow job, because you know, what the heck.

But sometimes when the things open up and you see a new board, you know they’re fucking with you.


Seriously? WTF am I supposed to do with this?

For the record, this CAN BE DONE. WITHOUT ANY BOOSTERS. I DID IT THIS MORNING. THEN I HAD A CUP OF FREEDOM COFFEE.

Did you know that if you are stuck on one of these games, there are websites with strategies? Seriously, I made fun of them until I needed them. How dumb is that.

So, the big issue with Facebook games is that they of course want you to invite people to play the games too. I will never invite anyone on purpose. I X-out of the windows every time they come up. It gets to be reflexive, which is a pain in the ass when the game decides to change up the order, BECAUSE THAT IS HOW THEY GET YA. If you ever get an invite from me, it WAS A TOTAL ACCIDENT. Also, if you see any of my game activity, just block notifications from the game. I do that all the time from games I don’t play but my friends do. FB games are part of the site, and complaining about them is bullshit. I am on level 822 of this thing, and I am not stopping because you can’t click a “Turn off Notifications” button.

SIDEBAR: I routinely click “I don’t want to see this” on posts. I bet I did it to something you posted, if you’re on my feed. It’s not personal. It has a lot to do with my mood at the time, my mental state, etc. I don’t defriend people, though I might block them from my feed. Life is too short to have to look at your acquaintances post crap about how asparagus cures cancer.

Anyway, this is one of the most pointless entries I have ever blogged, and I wrote all of this to explain why I play these dumbass things, and mostly so that I can post a few pictures that are really bothering me. Look at this shit:


Farm Heroes Saga has some fucked up art.


What the fuck is wrong with this dog?


And this tiger.


Let’s see that again, shall we?


SOON.

Next time on Amanda’s Test Blog, gin, Star Wars, and a set of charcoal pencils. Which stupidity reigns supreme?

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About Amanda Ching

I write. Fo' you.
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4 Responses to So yeah, I have sh**ty habits.

  1. So yeah, my life, you’ve written it. And the Farm Heros Saga art…so much wtf.

    • Amanda Ching says:

      I know, right? Five lives is nice. It’s like a granola bar–just enough to stave off hunger, but chewy and awesome.

      Unless it’s one of those fucking Quaker chewy granola bars. Those things can go fuck themselves in the ear.

  2. RaeWhit says:

    Haaa, I like knowing what you’re up to, since I have absolutely no idea what your brother does all day. You’re right, that art is so screwed up. It’s probably why people, when faced with an actual tiger, think they can hug it and come away with their face…intact, if at all. I never understood how addicting these games can be until I got sucked into the cookie factory one. And all that time I could’ve been making actual cookies…

  3. Ginny says:

    I have literally been playing Farmville 2 for years. Years!!! There came a wonderous day when I realized I didn’t have to play through FB (after I spammed all of these people with my amazing ability to raise carrots and a baby Arabian pony–wtf, FB? I turned those notification off for a reason). And now, I can like shit and share my bounties without posting this to FB. Which is so lame. And, awesome. I’m sure most of my “neighbors” do not even speak English at this point, bc their posts are not. Either that, or they are 12 years old. Anyways…I know of which you speak.

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